Nightmares vs Night Terrors: How to Preserve Great Sleep

Toddlerhood is such an exciting time! It’s right around here when your toddler’s imagination is developing super rapidly. This means lots of creative stories, silliness, and playing pretend. Unfortunately, it also can mean new, scary fears. Nightmares can pop up in early toddlerhood and, unfortunately, cause some sleep disturbances. In this blog, I’m going to talk about: Let’s jump right in!

How to Handle Toddler Nightmares

We’ve all been there…you pop up in bed, waking from a bad dream, and, in a panic, run to Mom and Dad’s room. Except this time, you’re mom/dad and want to be responsive to their needs and comfort your little one while still holding bedtime boundaries.

The “go-to” solution for most parents is to end up with a cute little extra body in their bed for the rest of the night. And I get it…sometimes this is the easiest option and things (*hopefully) go right back to normal the next night. 

However, if that isn’t ideal for you, there are a few things you can do to handle nightmares in a supportive and loving way that also preserves great sleep. 

Attachment is a super hot topic, and this is where it gets complicated. This is when we NEED to be tuning into our children and their needs. Let me be clear, when they are scared, they DO need you. When they’re just protesting and/or throwing a fit, they don’t. There’s a difference! When your little one wakes up terrified and crying from a nightmare, they need that comfort and reassurance from the person they have a secure attachment with (you!).

Sometimes these fears are made manifest through nightmares, and sometimes they arise right around bedtime when you’re getting through their bedtime routine. Let’s go through what to do for each…

Bedtime Fears

Sometimes our toddler’s brains start thinking about those new fears right before going to bed. The best thing you can do in this situation is to get on their level and reframe whatever is scaring them. 

Let’s look at the classic, “There’s a monster under my bed.” While explaining that “monsters aren’t real” might work for some kids, this might not be convincing enough for others. Instead, try making up a story to reframe their experience around whatever they’re afraid of. Turn whatever their “monster” is into a fun, silly, or even sweet thing instead of something to be worried about. 

If we can change the script of the story around their fear to make THEM the empowered and brave one, you’ll have way more success. 

What’s even easier is when the thing they’re afraid of isn’t just an idea, but something they’re seeing in their room. I KNOW I’m not the only one whose mind transforms the pile of clothes in the corner into some weird-looking creature. The same thing can happen to our toddlers. 

Help shine some light on the things that might be scaring them. This could mean literally turning the light on and examining the shadows in their room or the things stored under their bed or in their closet. Help them feel safe by showing them there’s no need to fear, and that their bedroom is just filled with their clothes, favorite toys, etc. 

Middle of the Night Fears, or Nightmares

The first thing to do when your little one wakes up from a nightmare is to reassure and redirect. Reassure them by pulling them up into bed, squeezing them tight, and listening to their “bad dream” if they’re wanting to share it. 

Next, redirect (just like we talked about with bedtime fears) and change the tone of their scary story into a fun or silly one. After snuggling for a few minutes, walk your toddler back to their room and comfort them there before going back to bed. Tuck them in, sing a song, give them a big kiss, etc. Take a minute to reassure them that they’re safe before they go back to bed. 

So what if they’re still feeling afraid? My next tip is to use guided imagery. This is where we use their imagination to our advantage. Help them think of something else, something happy to get their brains going on that good thought. 

For example, maybe you imagine your little one is a fairy. Together, go through allll the fun scenarios. What color are your wings? Where are you going to fly to? What do fairies like to eat? Get creative, pick something your little one is into, and then go through some guided imagery to help them push out the bad, scary thoughts and make room for more exciting and pleasant ones.

Click here to check out this Instagram post for a few more quick tips on handling nightmares.

Tools to Help Comfort Your Little One in the Middle of the Night

There are a few ideas and tools out there to help your child feel your comfort without you actually having to be in the room with them. Remember, we ultimately want our children to build self-soothing skills. Giving them tools to help is a great way to bridge the gap between giving them your comfort and not having them crawl into and stay in your bed for the rest of the night.

There are TONS of things you could try and different ideas online, but these are a few of my personal favorites: 

Try a nightlight 

Babies typically do great in a dark room, but toddlers often do way better when they have a nightlight. One of my all-time favorites (which also doubles as a sound machine) is the Hatch Rest Baby Sound Machine/Night Light!

Give them a special lovie

Really anything would work here, and Build-a-Bears are AWESOME for this. At Build-A-Bear, they have a special routine where they put a little heart inside of the bear as you stuff it together. Before putting in the heart, give it a big hug and kiss to fill it up with Mama’s love. Whenever they miss Mom, they can squeeze their bear and think of you!

Talk to them through a monitor

If you have or still use a monitor, it can be a cool way to talk to them at night and give them reassurance without either of you having to leave your bed.

Put a picture of you next to their bed

Your teenager might not be obsessed with the idea of a framed picture of you on their nightstand, but your toddler totally is. Anytime they wake up in the night, they can be comforted by your smiling face!

Throughout the day, talk about how Mommy ALWAYS comes back

There’s a super great Daniel Tiger episode and song about this that you can show them. Throughout the day and before bedtime, point out how your toddler is safe and loved even when you aren’t around. 

Click here to watch the Daniel Tiger song, "Grownups Come Back".    

Nightmares vs Night Terrors

Night terrors are a whole different ball game. It might sound like they’re just super scary nightmares, but they are actually completely different. 

Night terrors can happen when our little one’s brains get stuck in a sleep cycle transition. They can wake up hysterical and are super hard to calm down. This is because they’re stuck in this half asleep half somewhat alert state and are not quite totally awake yet. 

Night terrors tend to be genetic, so talk to your parents and in-laws to see if anyone in the family has ever dealt with them. My recommendation, talk to your pediatrician! They can help you better understand your child’s night terror symptoms and help you safely manage them. Usually, little ones grow out of night terrors by age 3 or 4. 

The BEST thing that you

do to prevent night terrors is to prevent overtiredness. If night terrors start to happen regularly, try moving bedtime 15-30 minutes earlier.

Recap on Nightmares vs Night Terrors

The toddler stage marks a whole new world of figuring out what our little ones need vs want. Your job is to be responsive and supportive of their needs without creating bad sleep habits. In my 2-5 Year Content Library, you’ll learn more about how to eliminate power struggles, navigate big toddler emotions, and feel confident while preserving their (and your) sleep!

While nightmares and night terrors are two different beasts, there are things you can do for each of them to help your children get the best sleep possible. If you want any support in this or help troubleshooting a plan, grab a consultation! Remember, you don’t have to go at any of this alone.